Wonderful World of Color

"If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that is has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning."

This isn't going to be a poem. Nor is this going to be some short story.
This is real, and something oh so very close to my heart. As we all know how the internet works, I have forbidden myself to spill out my inner most secrets on a public website; I also refrain from telling such stories to those who have a tangible relationship with me.

I guess this is for those who know.

For those who understand and do not downplay the seriousness of the suffering that comes along with such secrecy. The suffering, and the courage might I add.

I never knew that we would be those people to dwell in the light of the world with shadows around us.

But how dark are the shadows?

Well how heavy are our worries and burdens? Our fears and our anguish.

The visions that are perceived and processed through our retinas? To be transferred to our brains that trigger the cognition that determines the emotional outcomes that would essentially change our perception; but perhaps not our behavior.

The caution that is predetermined before the interaction of personal contact is made. What does this mean? It's my fancy-shpancy way of feeling the caution that has never been felt before. The caution that you never thought you would need to feel before. The caution that everyone hates to imagine to feel. The knowledge of there being vulnerability on both ends; both emotional, but only one physical.

With such caution would bring back the recognition of memories that were held so deeply in the back of my brain. The crevasses that held happiness that were so genuine and rational.

It was the most profound moment of my life to see the world of color around us. The happiness, laughter and energy that was abundantly running around with the undertones of health and life.

Color. Color. Color.

That's all I could see. All I could see were the muscles that were lively functioning in bodies. Organs that continue to conquer their daily job with lively health. Dark brown hair that flowed on the individuals who held smiles and genuine laughter.

It was as if the world was paused. I continued to ask questions non-stop. Trying to understand, and trying to find a way back in the world of color. To keep from drowning in the repetition of grays and whites that screamed the pounding harsh reality of the world. MY world. No. Our  world.

As much as it may feel to continue to fall and fall and fall without any end. I wouldn't have it any other way.

You know why?

Because this is what we are dealt with. Nothing worse, nothing that we could have any other way. Maybe I don't want it any other way because I can't have it any other way. On the contrary, such acknowledgement would not eliminate the inner opinions (or imagination) of what is ideal and what is not. These are the cards that we are dealt with and the cards that we will play until the end.

The battlefield has not been cleared. We are continuing to run through minefields and heal from the flesh wounds that have made their way into our paths.

Yet, through all of this, we have been able to experience the thriving that comes along with surviving. As unessential as I may have made surviving out to be...ehh I didn't mean it that way. Yes, thriving is far more profound, but as I have also mentioned, there is most definitely a way to make the two successfully cohabitant.

Let us eliminate the negativity in our lives with true intentions. To eliminate the selective impurities that we do have control over eliminating.

Only then, will we remember that the world of color we once lived in will return. I can't pretend and say that although the grays and whites are still abundant, we are still thriving in the world of color; that would only be me lying to myself. Because that is not how I feel.

Nor should I feel inclined to pretend. No. That's not me "being strong" "surpassing the storms that come along through our walk in life"

I have spent a majority of my life masking the pain over and over again. This is real. And we have every right to feel so secluded. No one, or nothing could take away such feelings.

What I think being strong is: is knowing that you are walking through the grays and whites while still producing the positive energy it takes to begin to walk in the world of color. To choose to not live out your daily routine with the knowledge of walking in grays and whites.

This shouldn't take away the hurt in any way. Let us still have the days where we accept the acknowledgements of walking in the place we are at.

I feel, here is where we have the intimate social relations and bonds with others that will surely strengthen our daily walks. A strong support system. A strong and indestructible stability that will be able to hold us up when we feel down.

Yes, there are a plenitude of things that we could do on our own with the power of our own capabilities. But we should also realize that we cannot really go through anything alone in life.

-Rey