Wonderful World of Color

"If the whole universe has no meaning, we should never have found out that is has no meaning: just as, if there were no light in the universe and therefore no creatures with eyes, we should never know it was dark. Dark would be without meaning."

This isn't going to be a poem. Nor is this going to be some short story.
This is real, and something oh so very close to my heart. As we all know how the internet works, I have forbidden myself to spill out my inner most secrets on a public website; I also refrain from telling such stories to those who have a tangible relationship with me.

I guess this is for those who know.

For those who understand and do not downplay the seriousness of the suffering that comes along with such secrecy. The suffering, and the courage might I add.

I never knew that we would be those people to dwell in the light of the world with shadows around us.

But how dark are the shadows?

Well how heavy are our worries and burdens? Our fears and our anguish.

The visions that are perceived and processed through our retinas? To be transferred to our brains that trigger the cognition that determines the emotional outcomes that would essentially change our perception; but perhaps not our behavior.

The caution that is predetermined before the interaction of personal contact is made. What does this mean? It's my fancy-shpancy way of feeling the caution that has never been felt before. The caution that you never thought you would need to feel before. The caution that everyone hates to imagine to feel. The knowledge of there being vulnerability on both ends; both emotional, but only one physical.

With such caution would bring back the recognition of memories that were held so deeply in the back of my brain. The crevasses that held happiness that were so genuine and rational.

It was the most profound moment of my life to see the world of color around us. The happiness, laughter and energy that was abundantly running around with the undertones of health and life.

Color. Color. Color.

That's all I could see. All I could see were the muscles that were lively functioning in bodies. Organs that continue to conquer their daily job with lively health. Dark brown hair that flowed on the individuals who held smiles and genuine laughter.

It was as if the world was paused. I continued to ask questions non-stop. Trying to understand, and trying to find a way back in the world of color. To keep from drowning in the repetition of grays and whites that screamed the pounding harsh reality of the world. MY world. No. Our  world.

As much as it may feel to continue to fall and fall and fall without any end. I wouldn't have it any other way.

You know why?

Because this is what we are dealt with. Nothing worse, nothing that we could have any other way. Maybe I don't want it any other way because I can't have it any other way. On the contrary, such acknowledgement would not eliminate the inner opinions (or imagination) of what is ideal and what is not. These are the cards that we are dealt with and the cards that we will play until the end.

The battlefield has not been cleared. We are continuing to run through minefields and heal from the flesh wounds that have made their way into our paths.

Yet, through all of this, we have been able to experience the thriving that comes along with surviving. As unessential as I may have made surviving out to be...ehh I didn't mean it that way. Yes, thriving is far more profound, but as I have also mentioned, there is most definitely a way to make the two successfully cohabitant.

Let us eliminate the negativity in our lives with true intentions. To eliminate the selective impurities that we do have control over eliminating.

Only then, will we remember that the world of color we once lived in will return. I can't pretend and say that although the grays and whites are still abundant, we are still thriving in the world of color; that would only be me lying to myself. Because that is not how I feel.

Nor should I feel inclined to pretend. No. That's not me "being strong" "surpassing the storms that come along through our walk in life"

I have spent a majority of my life masking the pain over and over again. This is real. And we have every right to feel so secluded. No one, or nothing could take away such feelings.

What I think being strong is: is knowing that you are walking through the grays and whites while still producing the positive energy it takes to begin to walk in the world of color. To choose to not live out your daily routine with the knowledge of walking in grays and whites.

This shouldn't take away the hurt in any way. Let us still have the days where we accept the acknowledgements of walking in the place we are at.

I feel, here is where we have the intimate social relations and bonds with others that will surely strengthen our daily walks. A strong support system. A strong and indestructible stability that will be able to hold us up when we feel down.

Yes, there are a plenitude of things that we could do on our own with the power of our own capabilities. But we should also realize that we cannot really go through anything alone in life.

-Rey

Busy Busy Bee Bee

So the lack of blog posts within spring break is not the result or conclusion of me lacking in further interest of keeping up with this page. What is "break"! Haha, but really. I am more than grateful to be able to catch up with the friends I have back in the bay area, as well as being able to use my days here to catch up with as much of them as I could. I really don't think that there was a day in my break where I had time to do absolutely nothing. Yet, I wouldn't prefer it to be any other way! I love my friends, and yes, hanging out with them was immensely phenomenal on my end. Yet, on the other end, I was able to have the opportunity to sit with these amazing people and be allowed in to their stories and be filled with the beautiful knowledge of the events that are happening in their lives. I was able to have the profound opportunity of being able to listen and be a part of what is happening in their world and be able to observe how much they have grown.

Yes, break has been wonderful indeed (:

I wish that I had a specific topic that I could spill my inner most thoughts out about...but I don't. :|

I mean, I do have a ton of ideas that continue to run around my mind. Frankly, I'm not so sure if I have the time to be able to write about them!

I love blogging, I love being able to research, evaluate, and really put a lot of time and effort into these posts. Sadly, time has not been in my hands lately.

I'm leaving back for college tomorrow, and my weeks are only going to fill up faster while I am there.

I know that next week, I have several huge assignments that are due in a few of my classes. The next two week after, I am sure to be spending a majority of my time in the library while studying for finals.

As busy as these next few weeks may seem...I just can't help but remember how close summer is and how much I am going to be able to relax since I had made the decision to not take any summer classes.

However, I am seriously looking for a second job to make more money while I have the time.

Look at me, ranting away on this blog. I mean, I felt compelled to post something on here since it has been quite a while since my last post.

Welp, I guess that's all for this. Merp.

Baaiiii

-Rey

I want to THRIVE not just Survive

Oh Pinterest, you have done it again.
So I may or may not be procrastinating right now in regards to finishing up some last minute homework before I head back over to the Bay Area (eep!)
As I was looking at my past pins, I came across this beauty:

This pin really stands out to me so much. It reminds me of how we reach our darkest times and live in the misery of our deepest and most lost emotional state of mind.
Maybe for those who carry emotional scars, living day after hectic day of life is certainly a survival skill on its own. That each sunrise is another beginning of the battle to stay happy. Or each moon-rise is another painful reminder that tomorrow is coming, and that we need to be ready for the troubles that come along with that.

But we want more than this.

Survival is not the only necessity of living. Thriving is what will contribute to bring our life fulfillment and joy.

Try imagining a life where the sunrise doesn't bring dread, but excitement.

Maybe the moon-rise is beautiful on it's own. A marker that means, "Hey! You made it through today, and you're rocking it"

Thriving is far more profound than surviving. It allows us to see the forest for the trees and the oceans for beauty.

It's as if every one of our senses has been enhanced when we begin to really learn how to thrive in our hectic lives.

The sky is bluer

The air is more breathable

The touch of others becomes more meaningful and connecting

Heck, even food tastes better!

Have any of you seen the movie Limitless? When the guy takes the pill, and all of a sudden, EVERYTHING he perceives is far more enhanced and sharp.

Well, maybe we can take thriving into that context.

Surviving

Surviving is a behavioral trait that belongs in the biological foundations of our brain. We were made in default with the cognition of staying alive and preserving our bloodlines.

Something that I have been recently studying is biblical anthropology from a psychological point of view. There are several evolutionary theories that coincide as to where our morality originates; as well as how and  why it originates. Our ethical and survival motives can be influenced upon the sociobiological reflections of our social relations with others.

Sure, this stuff is all topic-this, topic-that (which can go on for hours). But the point that I'm trying to get at is that survival is our default.

There should be a point at any time in our lives (salvation?) when we grasp a hold on how to implement thriving along with our survival.

Let It Go~ (Thriving)

As explained before, we can learn how to thrive in our days by letting go of the burdens that weigh so heavily in our hearts.

Patience is virtue

Meditating upon the bad in our lives and acknowledging their existence definitely helps. But let us stay cautious between the difference of understanding it's existence and conforming to it.

We need to throw away the feelings of this is all I am and this is all I will ever be.

That is conforming to the negativity in our hearts and lives. Lets not do this.

What about other things that hold us back from thriving? Like I briefly mentioned before, we are greatly influenced by the social communications with others.

Well, this person thinks I suck

or

This person thinks this of me.

They must be thinking these things for a reason. I'm just putting two and two together! That's it. I must really suck.

I was asked a question in regards to a person being 'good' or 'doing good' in the context of a quarrel.

I thought for a while and answered that I don't really believe in there being 'good' in the situation. (Or even on the burdens to them being 'bad'. ) Besides, I am in no position to be the judge of what is good or bad in a situation that I am not a part of.

That's the thing. I think that communications with others are almost never "bad". When I think of bad, I think of there being a seeking of intentionally  hurting someone because of a lack of communication or understanding.

In this conversation, there was no desire for confrontation. (Which can be totally fine. You can't force or push someone to confront when they feel no point to it)

Okay. Let me get to my point now! :P

You don't need the approval of others or the 'understanding' of others to thrive. You don't need them to think that you are a 'good person' in order for you to keep on thriving. If they think that you are something that you are not, or that you have certain viewpoints, then such fallacies come from misunderstandings and lack of proper communication.

But you mustn't let those perceptions keep you down! 

What matters is being sure of who you are to yourself, and in the eyes of the Lord. Not what you are to someone else.

Yes, we are all united as brothers and sisters in Christ. But, under the circumstances of living in the imperfect world that we do, there are bound to be countless amounts of quarrels based upon misunderstandings. What we can do the most on our part is to continue to love and take in consideration the emotional well-being of others, as well as our own.

Thriving comes from within. You can't get it anywhere else but from yourself and the Lord. The more you rely on the approval of others, the harder it is to thrive to the fullest.

To thrive is to live in such a joy and happiness while you continue to grow day after day. Yes! To thrive is to have your heart cleansed by the Lord and using your new cleanliness to run as fast as you can to Him while touching and sharing your joy along with others who may or may not believe. To live life full of happiness and appreciation of the big and little things.

"I want to thrive

not just survive"

Is a beautiful way to remember what it is that we really want in life. To remember that we are made to surpass the defaults of survival and to live in abundant joy and happiness; as well as enjoying the beauty of the world and others.

-Rey

Glampfest

April 4th-5th

Hey dorks! So I guess this is the blog post where I go on about how I spent my weekend, as well as the many spiritual and mental feels that have been experienced.
By the way, I feel so official right now; considering that I am currently sitting in a Starbucks with my lovely venti iced white mocha. YUM. Delish. Okay.

So, what is happening is this little mind of mine? Sigh. Many things. Peace, maybe? Well, here's the thing. I think I am well on my way (:

My Friday started off with me waking up at 8 am to the sound of my obnoxiously peaceful alarm clock. Real talk, though. I am literally the heaviest sleeper in the world.
In the words of my friend, Abbey, "Like a bear in hibernation."
Anyyywho~ My alarm rung for about a good 7 times until I finally stopped hitting snooze and it was about 8 o clock. (I set my alarm for 7 am. That's how much I suck)
I stretched, gave my neck a little crack and eventually hopped out of bed. My little phone ever so conveniently has Pandora on it. Sooo, guess what I did. Yup! Demi Lovato radio station!

After washing up, I realized that since we're all going to be camping, perhaps it would be a swell idea to not wear make up. (The idea never occurred to me that there would be pictures taken. Merp. Oh well. You're just going to have to love my naked face.)

At around 9:30 am, I headed over to the bookstore to purchase a tiny notebook in which I could record all of my little Bible notes on.
Ooooh! The temptation to stop for a Caramel Macchiato at the Common Grounds! Nevertheless, I was a good Reyna and had succeeded with refraining myself (:
Okay, so it was so cute! As I was making my way back to my dorm in the peace of morning air, I saw that there were a lot of old people around. DUH. It was grandparents day! :D Aww, I really love old people. They are seriously the cutest. (Maybe even cuter than babies. Buuut, that's just me) As I made my way back to my dorm, I made sure to rush ahead of a few grandmothers and hold the door open for them as they mosied their little way inside for a tour. They are so cute! ^_^

So I went back into my room and happily made myself a wonderful brew of Starbucks Pike Roast Coffee from my precious little black Keurig. Literally, this thing is my little baby.
Welp, I made my bed, cleaned my room, sipped my coffee, checked my social media and headed over with my R.A and a few other girls to head over to Malibu!

Haha, okay, first off. I am the WORST when it comes to packing. I truthfully had to rush back and forth from my dorm and hallway because I was just forgetting so many things! Like: Nope. Need my eyebrow pencil. Nope. Need deodorant. Nope. Need my Carmex.
Haha Yeah, I do suck.

The ride was refreshingly peaceful, and I loved being able to look out the window and see palm trees left and right. It was great (:
We ended up in Malibu before any of the other girls and explored a tiny pier with a little farmers market inside of it.
The air was chilly and crispy. So after a while of looking out into the sea, it was about time to look into the gift store, and eventually, onward to the campsite.

We got to the camping grounds and began to joyfully merp around and climb trees. Ehh, but I didn't climb any. I would be that one kid who climbs a tree with everyone else and fall and break my neck. My uncoordinated self is just too derpy to function.

The area was beautiful, and there were times on the beach that made me love life more and more.

It's crazy. I used to be this girl who hated everything about her life. Not life itself. Just my own. Maybe such a blog post could be saved for the future, but it is a topic that is near and very dear to my little heart.

As I was sitting on the beach during devotional, I closed my eyes and breathed in the cool ocean air. Oh what a blessing it is to be alive. I'm here. I. Am. Here. I am here in the place I always wanted to live in while loving and growing closer to God. He is so majestic and amazing.

How unworthy I felt, sitting on a rock that was facing the bright blue ocean with the waves crashing and thundering ahead of me while asking God to make me stronger. Make me stronger. But how could He make a girl like me stronger when all she ever did was continue to bring herself down? To drown in the oceans of her insecurities and doubt. Who accepted living each day with a heavy heart, full of self-loath and pity.
I know what I need to do. But how? I asked him out loud and looked on towards the never ending ocean.

How..

I'll find my way. I need to love myself first. I just want to say that I did. I mean, still do. Being here at Biola has helped me love myself even more. Not even in a narcissistic way. Oh, heavens no. Everyone here is so loving, welcoming, and full of God's love. I can't wait to meet more people and love them just as much as they love me; even more, actually.

But at the same time, I don't need other people to make me feel loved. I don't need a boy to tell me I'm pretty in order for me to feel beautiful.

God wants me, all of us, to lean on Him and know of His everlasting glory.

I can't sit here on my blog and tell you to stop hating yourself. Believe me, I am the first person who will understand how almost impossible that is. But instead, lean on God.

And if you don't know how, ask Him! I sure as golly did not know how to lean on God, and that's okay. At one point, I let myself fall on my knees and begged God to show me how to lean on Him, because I was tired of having the mentality of being able to do things on my own.
There have been beautiful times where I have experienced God answering my prayers of allowing Him in my heart. Truthfully, it makes me feel the same overwhelming joy I felt the day I was saved.

I want to grow more, and I want more of Him in my life. I speak with all honesty that I really can't get enough of Him.
It was a beautiful experience, and I can't wait to meditate and continue to spiritually grow more and more as the days come.

I sat there on my rock and let out a long sigh. I looked up into the sky and smiled. My Heavenly Father is here. He is watching over all of us. Even people who feel as insignificant as I do.
I may not know why things in my family are the way they are. I may not know why these things happen. But, I know God was telling me that He's still here.

Until next time,

-Rey