February 20, 2014

Its almost as if the words are stuck in the back of my brain.
As if they are behind my eyes; also out of my sight

What does it mean to choke on your thoughts and stumble on your words
To not know which direction is right, left, wrong, or straight-forward

I wish I knew how to feel the emotions that I am entitled to. I wish I knew how to not block them on my own. I hate that I do. I hate that there are feelings of obligations to hold my head up high in the moments where I no longer cannot.

But that is just it right? Life is a battle field. A battle field that continues to fire endless amounts of bullets right at you, to which they expect you to dodge. But so even if a bullet does strike you, it is your duty as a strong person to recover. Right?

I am very much on the happy train running to the idea of expressing your inner most troubles. I totally am all. for. that.
But what happens to that if you don't know how?

Its almost as if you take a grip on the restraints that you yourself placed on your mouth, and tug with all of your might. Only to realize there are no results to the endless efforts you take to remove the restraints.

Friends. Love. and Quality time is what I can keep dear to my heart. My little self has made so many connections here at Biola, that sometimes I feel so undeserving of such wonderful people in my life.
I could not be more grateful to go to such a wonderful university. I will continue to give glory to God in all of His blessings and love that he continues to provide.

The Love of My Mother

I am full aware that there are many families who do not have the mother in their household.
I do understand that there are father's who take on the role of a mother, or perhaps an uncle, cousin or aunt.

But for this blog post, I would just like to generally focus on the aspects of a mother's love based upon what I know from growing up with such a wonderful woman that I would like to call my mom.

My mom is like my best friend. Truthfully, anyone who knows me and has asked me about my relationship with my mom can confidently quote me on saying that.

Sometimes I am just fathomed beyond disbelief of the things my mom does that makes her so wonderful. There are times like these, where I would just relax, meditate, and give glory to God for blessing me with such a strong, beautiful, and compassionate woman that I call my mom.

What breaks my heart is how much my mom loves her children.

My mother has lived a life full of many obstacles that she needed to hop over since the beginning of her childhood. Yet, throughout all of the storms, she remains strong through Christ, and loves her children more than she has loved any other person on this planet. My mom is the type of mom who's hugs are the best in the world. Who's perfume smells comforting and welcoming.

I can tell many stories of how much I have made huge and stupid mistakes in the past, only to be loved and still warmly embraced by my mom.
She is loving, kind and nurturing. My sweet mother. I do not know what I would do without her. Her faith in God is remarkably strong.

Everything a mom does is out of the pure goodness of her heart
It breaks my heart that there are those who mistake this as competition.

Shame on you for accusing this as something evil

Shame on you for treating my mother the way that you do

It hurts me more than anything to know my mother continues to be stepped on and trampled by your heartbreaking words.

The love of a mother is one that I can look at and take a grasp of the love God has for us. As a daughter, I am glad my mom isn't jealous. I am glad my mom doesn't act out in immature ways of spite. And I am sure as darn tootin glad that I am blessed with such a mature, and compassionate mother. I hope one day I can love just as much as her.

My mom is like my best friend.

This blog post may not have made sense. But it made sense to me. I love my mom more than anyone on this planet, and I love and miss her kind heart even more.

Let's just say, this blog post is a way for me to stand up for my mom in a discrete way. I am not going to address the issues broadly, and publicly in an immature way. I mean, I could have made this blog post a whole lot more general. But, I suppose this hit far too home for me to do that. I want everyone to know how STRONG my mom is. How much she LOVES her kids. She would do anything for us. I know she would.
And for anyone to try to break that and act out in jealousy because of that lives a sad, immature, and shameful life.
Phew. Got a little angry there.
But that's the beauty of having a blog. It's like my online diary that I am able to decide the levels of secrecy.

~Rey

Outfits and moods and what not

The title says it all,
I finally got my laptop! Woo hoo! :D

Oh my golly it is a wonderful day today. First of all, the weather is GORGEOUS. Secondly, I am just absolutely uber chipper.

I mean, I am wearing a very lovely outfit. Has that ever happened to you guys? It's almost as if the levels of happiness you have for the day is greatly reliant upon whether your outfit is uber cute or just meh.
I mean, there are days where I would roll out of bed and throw on anything that I could fine. Quite frankly, I look like a train wreck, and since I would wake up late, there would be no time for a shower. So not only do I look like a train wreck, but I smell like a stinky goblin. Then you could just take all of that and WOOP your day has been a waste. Maybe that's just me. It's usually during those days where I am most unproductive and tend to waste away the day by being lazy and sluggish.

BUT on days where I where something cute, I tend to be happier, energetic and lively. My motivation leels increase and I am far more likely to accomplish more tasks.

I think these sort of things really depend on the confidence with his or herself. Anyway. Single awareness day is coming up soon, and I could either take this as super depressing, or just not seriously at all.
This time of the year marks an important time of when I met a specific person who changed my life, and is no longer here.
That is all I will say.

I just received a wonderful phone call from my mom with amazing and miraculous news. I don't want to expose too much on my blog, BUT someone who is very dear to me is recovering very well from a terrible, terrible season in his/her life.

Yup, I guess I was just excited to blog since I am now reunited with my wonderful laptop! Eep! This is great!

Until next time, baaiii
-Reyna

How about this weather?! (Update Post)

Oh the fantastic feeling of warmth is in the air.

In winter?

Yup! I love it here. Campus is so bright and shiny, and the skies are so blue. It is hard to imagine the rest of the world being covered in rain or snow. It's almost like being in our own little Southern California world.

Today has been quite a productive day, and I would just like to point out that I just shockingly figured out that I have no homework today.

Honestly, I have continuously checked all of my classes for the past half hour and still came up with nothing due for tomorrow. Well, isn't that just grand?! :D

So today, my friend and I got a ride over to the Starbucks right next to the school and enjoyed some happy beverages. Although, we were there for business! We have to do this project where we find two people (one under age 40, and one over) and interview them with subtly theological and philosophical questions.

My golly, I absolutely LOVE Biola. We are definitely NOT the Christian University that would sugar coat philosophical subjects. Instead, we learn from an integrative theological AND philosophical point of view.

(Christian Thought as well as Secular)

After Starbucks, my friend and I walked over to the grocery store right next door, where I happily purchased some unhealthy nom nom goodies(:

On our way back to the school, we were both fathoming on how unreal it is that we are here. In Southern California. HUNDREDS of miles away from home.

Still haven't gotten homesick yet. Although, I do miss my mother's cooking...mmmm..

Now, it is time to head back to my dorm and...well...eat these unhealthy nom noms.
My dad finally fixed my laptop and has sent it over! So I shall happily be receiving that in the mail sometime soon.

Alrighty then, I shall locate myself back to my dorm room where I will do my roommate's makeup for her date tonight. Oooooo ;)

Random post, I know. Pretty pointless as well, and fairly poor written....

Uhm. Yah. K Baiii
-Reyna (x

Sometimes my imagination is strange.

Take me to a land of the enchanted forest with elves and faries. Then explore the ponds that are home to the mermaids, who's tail fins shimmer and glisten in the sun.
I want to close my eyes and view a world full of magic and adventure.

Not so chipper!?

It has been a remarkably long time since I have been able to sit down at a computer and spill all of my most inner thoughts on to this digital screen. My last post left off on me welcoming the new year and being more than excited to kick some behind and finally go into the direction God has planned for me.
Well, now I am currently studying this semester at Biola University, and most honestly, I have never been more excited.
Although, I do admit to sometimes not feeling satisfied, that my being is incomplete or not whole. I also know that it is not something that should be mindlessly shoved underneath the rug, and should be approached with open mindedness and compassion. However, I have been very excited and occupied to begin my new life here as a university student as well as looking foward to the adventures that await.
The girls on my floor are INCREDIBLE. They are wonderful young ladies with so much potential and so much stregnth, compassion and intelligence, that I consider myself a very blessed girl to be a part of their little family.
I wish I could expand more on these negative feelings, however, those are only secrets that are meant to be sacred within my heart and those around me. Perhaps I could expand on them in a very subtle way eventually, but for now, I would rather them remain as personal hurdles in my life that need to be leaped over.
As broad and general as this post was, I feel a little better (:
No, I am not homesick, I am also not stressing over work. There are just places in my heart that remain to have holes in them, and will continue to ache until I find a way to grap a hold on my perception even more than I have now and begin to steer even harder.
Haha! Imagine a pirate on a long adventure across the seas, searching for the rarest treasure of all.

(stay with me now)

He's putting all of his energy into reaching his goal. I mean, he must! For it is his destiny to find this treasure! When suddenly, a raging storm appears and begins to rock the pirate's ship through the immense waves that begin to engulf him in their icy waters. The pirate is not giving up! For he is the captain of his own ship and takes a hold of his pirate steering wheel thingie and begins to use all of his might to take control of the storm.

Was that story a bit too 6 year old for you? Lets be real, my 4 year old baby sister would have thought that was lame. Nevertheless, I hope my point has been given.

Until next time I post, goodbye! And stay adorkable!!

<3 ~Rey