Its almost as if the words are stuck in the back of my brain.
As if they are behind my eyes; also out of my sight
What does it mean to choke on your thoughts and stumble on your words
To not know which direction is right, left, wrong, or straight-forward
I wish I knew how to feel the emotions that I am entitled to. I wish I knew how to not block them on my own. I hate that I do. I hate that there are feelings of obligations to hold my head up high in the moments where I no longer cannot.
But that is just it right? Life is a battle field. A battle field that continues to fire endless amounts of bullets right at you, to which they expect you to dodge. But so even if a bullet does strike you, it is your duty as a strong person to recover. Right?
I am very much on the happy train running to the idea of expressing your inner most troubles. I totally am all. for. that.
But what happens to that if you don't know how?
Its almost as if you take a grip on the restraints that you yourself placed on your mouth, and tug with all of your might. Only to realize there are no results to the endless efforts you take to remove the restraints.
Friends. Love. and Quality time is what I can keep dear to my heart. My little self has made so many connections here at Biola, that sometimes I feel so undeserving of such wonderful people in my life.
I could not be more grateful to go to such a wonderful university. I will continue to give glory to God in all of His blessings and love that he continues to provide.
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