It was in 5th grade when I was asked: "What image comes into your mind when you hear the word "Lonely".
My ten year old little gears in my mind went to wheeling and I spoke up and said, "I picture a sad little lady bug in the corner of a dark room, but there is a spotlight on him. Even though the light is shining on him, he's not comfortable with showing his face."
Why on Earth did I picture a lady bug? Beats me.
But I guess I relate to that form of imagery more than I thought I ever would; it is also in my inner most hopes that y'all are able to relate as well.
Lets cut aside the 5th grade portion of this image and replace the lady bug with ourselves. For some reason, I imagine myself in my most vulnerable state. I feel like the light is shining on every single imperfection that I could think of about my self; magnified for the whole world to see. I mean, this could be centered around body image. But I'm talking more about the things that I hate about myself. (I blogged about getting through a tribulation of hating myself in a previous post on this blog page called, Glamping. So, I'm not that much of a pessimist.)
I'm digging deeper into my thoughts and now image an audience as I cowardly crouch with my hands over my head; wishing that the smiles of mockery and laughter would stop.
I'm a joke. A laughing stock. Everything about me is worthless and insignificant to everyone.
The insecurities become real and the words more definable. Every negative adjective in the dictionary that you could ever call someone was being shouted, screamed, at me in a powerful voice.
However:
for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
2 Timothy 1:7
As creations of the Lord, we are made as an individual masterpiece in His eyes with powerful qualities that make us unique. We are made to be empowered by the ugliness that is thrown at us, and to take that and create it into a new form of love, peace, and serenity. WE have the ability and control; to take our lives in to our own hands.
...and it is so easy to be misinformed of that.
It is so easy to think that we are inclined to hand over the wheel to someone or something who we think knows better.
What makes them more valuable than us?
There was a recent study that was performed on hundreds of college students in regards to self and other-forgiveness. I suppose the two subjects are self explanatory. Although in reiteration, self forgiveness is the forgiveness of oneself, as other-forgiveness is the forgiveness that one has towards others.
It
was observed in the study that the associations between levels of negativity and double
standards were held in the two subjects (other and self forgiveness). It was
seen that there were higher levels of harshness and more rigid critiques on the
perception of themselves, while there was a possession of enhanced sympathy,
compassion as well as understanding towards the perception of others.
In conclusion to this sociological study, there are the experiments that prove that it is a natural default for us to feel more negatively on ourselves as opposed to others. Is that why we give the wheel of our lives to society? The media, or the other person who looks like he or she has it all together? Maybe we're doing this not entirely off of admiration, but maybe because we think that we don't have the ability to do things ourselves.
But guess what. You do. Only you have the ability to take the control away from yourself (and even try shove it over to someone else). But with that control, you have a million and one times MORE control to take your life in to your OWN hands and move away from the shame, turn away from the corner and illuminate in the light that the Lord has always been shining down on you.
Lets stray away from being the ladybug and take a step, and turn around.
It's time to sit up from the corner, and take a step around. The laughing and mockery has now ceased, and the dark room with only one light immediately shines with purity and radiance. The Lord is beckoning you to come to Him, for you are His child.
casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you
1 Peter 5:7
-Rey
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