I'm Okay {Personal Blog Post}

Sometimes I just need to remind myself that.

There are times where I feel like my anxiety is going to consume all of me. I'm so frightened for my own existence. I'm so afraid that I'm no benefit or help to anyone. I feel like sometimes I don't have anything to offer to people.
Sometimes I feel too afraid to leave my bed, because I'm not good enough to take on what the day has to offer to me.

But I'm only me. Little. Little Me.
Focusing on change is whats essential for my poor little broken heart. I feel broken, and I've said that I'm broken over and over again. But I know that I'm not alone; I may forget, but I know that I'm not.

So this leads me to the question: Where am I today?

Well, I'm so grateful to find that my personal key antidote to my seemingly never ending melancholy is- get this- Love. Its not like I was ever unaware from knowing love's true and never-ending benefits. It's just that...I was always looking at the hurt that comes from it.

With love, comes pain.
Pain that makes you feel unwanted,
unsure
neglected
insignificant

I guess, for the longest time, I was only letting myself see the hurt in love. I mean, that all I knew. I didn't grow up as a Christian.
I mean, we knew God, went to a Catholic church on sundays. But I wasn't a self-sacrificial follower of Jesus until I was 16 years old.

My parents divorced when I was 10, and it was then that I learned too soon of what heart-ache, neglect and sadness truly is. I feel like sadness is a word that is far too undermined. Sadness can be one of the most self-destructive, or most therapeutic things a person can feel.
My young little self learned these complexities far too young.
It only continued,
I only let myself be hurt by other people, because I felt thats what I deserved. I put up a barrier.

But we learn and we grow. I'm almost 20.
Can you believe that, blog? I started this when I was at the hardest time in my life, and it's going to move on to 2 years since I began this blog journey. I'm so thankful for words, memories, and love.

Love was what was destructing me for so long; but it's also what's saved my life.

I don't know how my life would be without the friends and family that I have. Sometimes it's hard to shake off the feelings of insecurities. But I'm only me. Little. Little me.
Little me just taking it one day at a time.

I am content.
With where I am, and who I love
Thank you, God, for the gift of love and allowing us to love you.

-Reyna